For a lot of us, when we think about sexual pleasure we think about orgasms, so let's talk about that.
Firstly, why is it that sexual pleasure = orgasm for so many people? Well the main reason is because society has instilled this idea that the two are synonymous or go hand in hand. But that isn't true. Sexual acts can be pleasurable without leading to orgasm. The correlation is also deeply rooted in our society's phallic centered understanding and views of sex, but that is another conversation for another day.
So what should you know about orgasms?
I think the first thing to know is: what is an orgasm? An orgasm is the release of sexual tension and build up in the body.
Orgasms are a nice bonus for sexual activity, but they aren't the end all be all of sexual activity. They are like the added razzle dazzle, not the whole thing. When you make orgasms the goal of sexual activity you add stress to the experience that is more than likely going to keep you from enjoying the experience.
Orgasms look and feel different for everyone. You may have had partners that were very vocal when orgasming. For some people they are not very vocal about it, it is more of a physical experience. For some people it is the leg shaking, body trembling, uncontrollable movement of the body and that's perfectly normal. For some people it is toes curling, heavy breathing, grabbing the sheets, eyes rolling back in their head. It can also look different depending on how the orgasm is caused.
Wait, there are different types of orgasms?
So I don't like to say there are different types of orgasms, because typically when we categorize orgasms we only do it for people with vulvas. Penis orgasms are just described as orgasms. I feel this is rooted in the patriarchy and the phallic centered way society views sex, so I am not going to talk about different types of orgasms, but the different types of stimulation that can lead to orgasms.
Nipple stimulation: every body has nipples and all nipples can be stimulated. It can differ person to person, but the right touch and stimulation can lead to an orgasm.
Erogenous zones: there are a wide variety of erogenous zones on the body that can be sexually stimulated such as, the scalp, the lower back, the neck, armpits, the neck, and inner thighs. Different forms of stimulation from massaging, to licking, to impact play can cause an orgasm. When it comes to erogenous zones I encourage exploring them all in a variety of ways to see what you like and what works best for you.
Feet: have you ever had such a glorious foot rub that you melted? Well good feet stimulation can lead to orgasm as well. If you are ticklish in the feet try maybe wearing socks while being stimulated. It can dull the intensity of the stimulation and allow you to still enjoy the pleasure.
The Genitals: when stimulating the genitals things can get a little expansive.
When stimulating the penis you have the head, the shaft, and the scrotum, but let's get a little more specific. There is a vein on the back of shaft which is easily stimulated and very sensitive. You also have the frenulum and perineum which warmly welcome stimulation. You also have the prostate, which I highly encourage stimulating, because there are so many health benefits to prostate stimulation. My favorite benefit is minimizing the possibility of prostate cancer.
Now the vulva, which has so many different ways of being stimulated. So you have the clitoris, which is more than just the tip you see on the outside. You can stimulate the tip, you can stroke the labia to stimulate the legs (cura) of the clitoris, stimulating the g-spot (or internal parts of the clitoris) are all ways to stimulate the clitoris. You also have the mon pubis which can be stimulated from massaging.
Butt Stuff: if you didn't know I am a big fan of all things anal and anal stimulation can most definitely lead to orgasms. If you are wanting to learn more about butt stuff check out this episode of In Bed With a Millennial.
Regardless of what form of stimulation you choose know that pleasurable should be the goal moreso than an orgasm if you truly want to enjoy the experience. But whatever you do remember to do what feels good to you (and your partner(s)). And know that I offer all this information so that you can pick and choose what works for you and apply it.